


Life gives you lemmon, you add vodka to make it a party

by whittyrabbit



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: First Time, M/M, Online Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:03:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whittyrabbit/pseuds/whittyrabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Online chat room sometimes provides terrifying results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life gives you lemmon, you add vodka to make it a party

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'ed. Looking for a beta btw, someone with experience.
> 
> The plot has happened to me in RL last week. Completely freaked me out. Friend said it would make a great plot. So here it is.

James got to the bar half an hour before the time they agreed to meet. It’s a fancy Indian restaurant in Westminster, a bit far from his usual neighborhood. But given he’s technically on a pseudo-blind date, James was perfectly ok with the location.

He never thought he’d ever do this. Double-oh agents were used to hook up with real people they met on the job, in a bar, at a function or whatnot, not in a online chat room. But BunnyWhite329 had got his attention about five weeks ago.

It started when he was in Paris for a recon job. The stakeout was so long so boring that he couldn’t help but to play with his iPhone. The reason why he downloaded a popular gay online chat app Jack’d was beyond human understanding (it’s in the name of researching pop culture if you push it). But as soon as he set up the profile for a _Mr. B_ , he got a inflow of “hey, wut up” and its variations.The profile picture he had was the 29th on google image for “hot man in their 30s”, since putting his real picture online was out of the question. Even if he had a regular job, James would never understand why young people were so addicted to things like Facebook or Twitter and put every second of their personal life in the public eye. Or maybe he’s just old.

Within about three out of five nearby requests to hook up, BunnyWhite329 grabbed James’ attention with a cocky response.  

 

_Dude, how about you put your real picture for prof-pic instead?_

_What?_

_Profile picture. The one where now you have Hugh Dancy._

_Ok. Who is Hugh Dancy?_

_Just how old are you exactly? Why do I get a feel like you are not in your 30s?_

_My job requires me to be on the road a lot. Not much time to catch up on celebrity gossip. He’s one right? I just googled._

_Salesman, hooker, or musician?_

_...none of the above._

_Mysterious. I like that._

 

So, that’s how it started. James found out Bunny was a smart young man who had a desk job doing computer stuff, or so he claimed to be. Without realizing it, the famous double-oh-seven had been spending hours on the chat room, waiting for a response just like a teenage girl with her first crush.

James freaked out a little when he finally saw what’s in front him. So, he went out to the hottest club in town to prove his manhood. At the end of night, when he was pushed against the wall, pants down at his ankles with a young twink barely in his twenties bobbing his head up and down with such enthusiasm, James seriously worried about his sexuality.  

He thought about having Q help him to find out who it was exactly. However, James presumed it would not end well. Just thinking about the looks Q would give him made him nauseous.

Then, the solution he came up with for his increasingly irritating problem was to meet Bunny in person. James was good with people. He didn’t know how it worked with all the online crap but he knew how to seduce a real person.

 

_Hey, you said you live in London right? I’m heading back to town this weekend. Want to come out for a drink?_

_Want to take advantage of my young and pale body?_

_No. Well, maybe. It’s just...I don’t think I’m good at these online things. Call me old fashioned, I like in-person encounters._

_LOL. Old man. What if I’m a seventy-year-old gramma?_

_Then it’d still be an interesting conversation because she knows so much about politics and celebrity gossip. And I’ll convince her to introduce me to her twenty-year-old granddaughter._

_Cocky, aren’t we? Cinnamon Club, 9 o’clock this Friday._

  


James didn’t hear another word from Bunny since Monday after that conversation. As he’s ready to move on to his second martini, someone stopped by his corner booth, then pretty much launched himself onto his lap.

“Excuse me…Q? What the fuck?”

“Really James? It never crossed your mind? And Mr. B? How unoriginal. Oh, I’m also really sad that you didn’t get my explosive pen joke last week.”

“...you are BunnyWhite329?”

“Yes, James. Thank you for catching up so quickly.” Q waved over a waiter, “Yes, two more martinitis, please. And we’ll take the smoked grouse breast for appetizer as well. Thank you.”

James took this time to process everything. Bunny was Q. They had been chatting online for over five weeks. None of their conversation was work-related. He found the young man intriguing enough to take the risk of meeting him in person. Alec already said he was dating some online dude for weeks when they went out for dinner last week.

Shit.

Oh well. Life gave you lemmon, you squeezed them and added vodka to make it a party.

“So, my dear quartermaster, tell me, have you finished _The Legacy of Cain_?” James sneaked an arm around Q’s waist to hold him close.

Q’s confidence seemed faded away a bit and started to blush.

This was something James knew exactly how to deal with.

“You are taking this very well. Guess we can save the stupid conversation about you freaking out. Well, you did, three weeks ago. So I hope you have recovered. I’m younger but I’m not “barely legal” like Peter was. To answer your question, with Alec being an idiot in Hong Kong today, and my not understanding German, no, it’s not going anywhere. I should make you translate it to me, you know, save me much work to use a dictionary.”

“You do so much better in flirting online.”

“Oh shut up, James. We can’t all be good at everything, otherwise you won’t have a job.”

“You say the sweetest thing, Q.”

Q couldn’t help but laughed. “James, you need to work harder than that to take me home tonight.”

“Challenge accepted, quartermaster.”

  


End.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


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